Shaun 100WC – Week 2

One hot summers day we went to the beach. The sun was hot and everything was amazing. The water was a glistening blue colour shining in the sun. We went to get and ice-cream. I got a lemon flavour. But it was yellow. Its ment to be white. ARGHH! I punched the ice-cream man in the face. He howled and called the cops. I dropped my ice-cream and ran for my life while my family watched in horror. I didn’t know I was about to start a life on the run. A junior crime lord. I would never see my family again. What have I done?!???!?!?!?!?!?

One thought on “Shaun 100WC – Week 2

  1. Hello Shaun,

    From a boy on a beach to a junior crime lord and all because of an ice cream wrong in colour. What a tale of unfortunate circumstances and a lesson to keep our hands to ourselves. Well done.

    Your opening description of the scene was well written as I imagined the scene you described. Good descriptive language has the power to paint pictures in the minds of readers. Again, well done.

    Looking at punctuation and spelling, I can see the care you have taken although there were some small errors you missed when editing. As an example, one sentence might have read…
    It’s meant to be white.

    You have a talent for good story ideas so I hope you can continue to enter the 100WC. Writers should share the worlds and adventures they create. We might read the further adventures of the junior crime lord. 🙂

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

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