Breianna 100WC – Week 34

Just as I was walking along the narrow, bushy, smelly track. I stumbled to see there was nothing to stumble on and I definitely didn’t stumble on my own feet. I just kept on going, but then out of the blue I heard a noise in the bushes. I was curious because I didn’t know what the noise was. I ran as quickly as I could, following the noise up the track. But the noise was too loud and it was everywhere. I wanted to get away from it, but where could I go? The track was blocked all around me.

2 thoughts on “Breianna 100WC – Week 34

  1. Hi Breianna,

    Great story! You have used great descriptive language, and I really want to find out more! Great job!

    From
    Cecilia

  2. Hello Breianna,
    The mysterious and unusual tone of your story is engaging and interesting. The unexpected noise in the bushes piques the curiosity of the reader.
    Your choice of a cliffhanger for an ending is a great writing strategy to leave the reader wanting to know more about the outcome of the situation.
    My suggestion for making your writing even better is to read your story aloud before you finalize it. There are a few places that seem confusing and make the story hard to understand. For example, “I stumbled to see there was nothing to stumble on and I definitely didn’t stumble on my own feet.” doesn’t make much sense. What did you stumble to see? Reading your piece aloud will help to smooth out and clarify your ideas.
    Thank you for sharing your story,
    Gina Felton (Team 100, Iowa USA)

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